Friday, August 20, 2010

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times part 4

Still trying not to be too graphic

So the baby is out and I can tell something isn't right because they don't hand him to me like the nurse told me they would. They hold him up and show him to me and then take him out.

I leaned up and asked the doctor if I was ok. I didn't get an answer so I knew that meant.....Not really. Finally he stops and explains that I tore pretty badly but not horribly and he's going to fix me up. I say 'good thing I had that epi' and he replies 'yes it is.' So he's working and all of a sudden I hear him tell the nurse 'Change that 3 to a 4.' I know exactly what that means....I have a fourth degree tear....the worst level. Just awesome. Nothing that I can do now. He works forever. Finally I say....Are you sure you can fix it! He assures me he can.

After it's all done he then tells me that next time I should have a csection because he can repair the damage once but if it were to happen again it would be more difficult. Basically I ended up with a csection of the vagina anyway. Awesome. Basically the baby was bigger than anticipated and caught his shoulder on me and there was nothing the doctor could do. He said he tried to stop it but just couldn't.

This is where I promised I won't be graphic. Let's just say recovery sucks and leave it with that. And let's just say I'm keeping up on my pain meds so I don't feel anything. :) :)

Now back to the baby :) Merrick was born at 6:49 a.m. Weighed 8 pounds 5 ounces and 21 1/2 inches long. I didn't get to hold him until after 11 a.m. It was not what I imagined it to be. After 11 months of trying to get pregnant and 40 weeks of being pregnant that wait to hold him was an eternity. When they finally wheeled him into my room I couldn't stop crying. He was beautiful. All I imagined. Worth the tearing and pain and stress.

So now I'm on the road to recovery. It's hard work but when I hold him I remember it will get better. I will heal. I will be OK again. I couldn't ask for anything more.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times part 3

Again.....trying not to be too graphic.

So the doctor comes in and suits up. He has me push a few times. Says....It's going to be another 30 minutes, takes off his gear and walks out. Mark and I just looked at each other.

So now the nurses have me push. Which I must interject without my two labor nurses I would NOT have been able to get this baby out! No joke. So they have me push or teach me how to push. Let me tell you...that's hard work especially when you are numb from the waist down. I don't know how many times my nurse yelled 'Pretend like you're pooping! Use those same muscles!' Well who thinks about what muscles they use to poop??

So I push with them for awhile. And I cry. I felt like I was frustrating them. They inform me that by no means am I frustrating they just can't be nice at this point or I won't get the job done.

So I pull it together and back comes the doctor. Time to get to business. Real pushing begins again. Doctor informs us that I have a protruding pelvic bone or something like that and the baby is basically stuck behind it and I have to push him past it. Great.

Let me describe the instructions I was receiving at this point. Push like you are pooping. Get mad. Pretend you are doing a crunch. Hold the back of your knees. Keep your butt down. Chin down. Relax your thighs. Relax your face. Hold it for a count of 10 (a slow count) Take a quick breath. Now do it again. Quick!! All these instructions were yelled from my bedside by my short nurse who was standing on a stool and holding my leg.

By the end Mark was basically holding me into a crunch position every time I would start the process. I just couldn't' support myself anymore. I still wasn't getting him out though. So the doctor had to resort to the dreaded vacuum. He said he would only do it for a minute or so at a time and then we would have to resort to something else. I knew that meant csection. So with all I had and all Mark had he pushed. Me pushing and him holding my back up into that crunch position. I knew it was now or never. I pushed him past that bone!! One more and out he came.

And then I flopped back. Exhausted. They told me to lean up and look at him. OMG that just came out of me. The doctor took him over to his nurses and began to put me back together.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times part 2

Again, I'll try not to make this too graphic or gross but it is a labor story :)

So water possibly breaks at Walmart and we head home. I call the oncall doctor who before I even get my story out says 'If you think your water has broken then go to the hospital.' But don't you want to hear what happened!!?? Nope go to the hospital.

So off we go. My mom, dad and me. My brother and sister in law close behind us. I'm still in denial but take my stuff with me just in case. I keep saying but I tested negative this morning!

So we check into the hospital and they send me up to labor and delivery. I have to ride in a wheelchair. I'm embarrassed because I'm sure this is another false alarm. My dad takes my picture in a wheelchair and sends it to Mark. (Mark's at work and can't leave unless I'm seriously in labor because he doesn't have many days to take)

I get to my room and the nurses tell me to go in the bathroom, take off my clothes, pee in a cup and put on a gown. 'ALL of my clothes??' I say. Yep. Can't even leave on my sports bra. I should have known right then I wouldn't be happy about all things to come. So I get the gown on and start to pee in cup. Now this is very hard when you are 40 weeks pregnant and leaking something. I kept bending over to wipe whatever I was leaking off the floor. I didn't want to leave a mess!! Little did I know.....

So finally ready and come out and climb on the bed. Nurse checks and says 'Yep it's your water.' WHAT!! Seriously this is happening!!

It's now 9:30 p.m. I debate on what to do about Mark. Nurse tells me she doesn't think the baby will come before 11 a.m. And she'll let me know if she thinks I need to call Mark and get him there ASAP. I talk to Mark at 10 p.m. on his dinner break and tell him I'm fine and he can probably work until 2:45 a.m. no problem. (I'm in NO pain at this point) So he decides to tough it out at work so he doesn't have to use a day just to watch me sit there.

At midnight they start my pitocin. By 1 a.m. I'm telling the room.....this isn't comfortable anymore. By 1;30 I'm telling the room I don't really like my nurse anymore because she keeps coming in and turning up my pitocin. By 2 I'm in some pain. By 2:30 I'm miserable. By 2:50 I'm telling my mom to call Mark and find out where he is. He's getting in his car. It all goes down hill from there. They gave me some Demerol in my IV to take the edge off because like the dummy I am I decided Mark HAD to be there before I could have an epi. I was afraid it would hurt and I needed him there for support. Stupid idea.

The Demerol did NOTHING. We're talking took my pain from a level 8-ish to a 5-ish for one contraction and then right back up to a 8 or 9. By the time Mark got to the hospital at 3:30 I was thrashing in pain, gripping the rail and sobbing. I was two contractions from screaming and I'm not a screamer. My mom and sister in law were with me. I don't think my sister in law said a word the whole hour and I kept tell my mom not to talk to me.

Mark came in VERY happy and excited right as a contraction was starting and all I said was 'DON'T. SAY.A.WORD.' Then we got the epi which wasn't bad at all. Compared to the pain of the contractions it was awesome. It seemed like it took forever to finish. Once I got it I was checked again. I was already at 7 1/2 which explains all the intense pain I was having. Lucky I got the epi when I did. The nurse had already told me at an 8 I couldn't have it.

Things got much better. I was able to talk with Mark now and be excited again. At 4:30 ish I was checked again. I was at a 9 or so and they started talking about calling the doctor. At 5 they decided after calling another nurse in that I was complete and they called the doctor. Mark and I were so nervous. It was happening. One nurse predicted I would have him by 5:30.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times

Labor that is. Following will be my birth story. I'll break it up into a few posts so it's easier to read. I'll try not to make it too graphic or gross! :)

It all started on Aug. 12. The day after my due date. I woke up at 9:30 a.m. to what I thought was my water breaking, either that or I was peeing on myself. So I scurried into the bathroom for further investigation. So I inspect. Clear: check. No smell: check. (Yes I smelled it to make sure it wasn't pee....that's what the book says to do!!) Then I called a friend to discuss if it could be my water. After deciding that yes I could possibly have sprung a leak, I made the decision to wake Mark.

'Mark. Ummmm Mark. Wake up. My water might be leaking but I'm not for sure can you smell this??'

That's how I woke him up. He declined to take the smell test. Told me I was probably over-reacting, reminded me we had a doctor's appointment in a few hours and told me to go back to bed.

WHAT?? Go back to bed?? My water may have just broken!!!.

But since I wasn't for sure I laid back down. Then I got back up. Then I walked around. Then I laid back down. Where are my contractions I wondered??

So finally it was time to go to the doctor. I was FOR SURE they were going to send me to the hospital. Doctor checks and says 'It's negative.' Meaning my water had not broken and the fluid could just be where I was dilating more.

I was crushed. And that test hurt to check my fluid. And great not only am I leaking but now I'm bleeding. AND I'm late for work. So I called and took a personal day to recover. It's a good thing I did.

My mom took me to Golden Corral to eat that evening with my brother and sister in law. Then we all heading to Walmart so I could walk the story. This whole time I was still leaking something but since the doctor said it wasn't my water I just went with it and wore a big overnight pad. (Sorry male readers you may want to stop only gets worse :) )

So we start walking around Walmart. I'm not really in pain but I'm not comfortable and still leaking!! I talk with a friend about work the next day and if I should just take that day off too or not. And I stop to go to the bathroom twice. Then we get to the baby section. All of a sudden I feel a small gush and I say 'Oh no.' I'm sure the look on my face said it all. My brother was like 'What's wrong!?' I said 'I have to go to the bathroom. RIGHT NOW.' And off I waddle while trying to hold my legs together to the back bathroom. I hear my mom say 'I'm going with her!'

I make it to the bathroom and realize I've completely filled that overnight pad. But did my water break?? It's not puddling at my feet and it's not continuously leaking so I just don't know. I make my mom call my aunt from the Walmart bathroom and ask her what she thinks. After much debate and tears from me I decide we must leave Walmart right now and go home.

Oh happy day

I've been thinking about the topic 'happiest day' for a few weeks now. I consider my wedding day to be the 'happiest day of my life.' Some may say that's cliche but I don't think so.

My wedding day was truly the happiest day of my life. I married my best friend. The man to become the father of my child. The man to see me through horrible labor recovery. The man who loves me know matter how crazy, emotional I can get. The man I plan on being with for the rest of my life through all the other 'happiest days.'

Even though I view my wedding day as the happiest day of my life, that doesn't mean I can't have other 'happiest days' or even 'happiest moments.' I recently had another happy day. The birth of our child.

When he was finally wheeled into my room and placed in my arms I can't even explain the feelings of happiness that overcame me. I just swore I wouldn't be that weeping mother but that weeping mother I became. Crying tears of joy and happiness over the life that I was about to begin. This was a happiest moment.

So while I think that someone can have many 'happiest days' and the birth of my new child is right up there on the list, I still stand by that the happiest day of my life was the day I married Mark, the father of my child. Without that happy day my most recent happiest day would never have happened.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

I'm officially ...

... overdue. It's 12:45 a.m. I was due yesterday. Mark and I are normally 15 minutes (at least) late to every event we attend. So that should mean the child should make an appearance tomorrow. Right?

I've been telling him if he doesn't come out on his own he will be forceably removed and he DOESN'T want that to happen. That's not the way to come into any situation, especially your new life. He's not listening so far.

So today I am 40 week 1 day pregnant and am having a hard time sitting up there is so much baby in my belly.

39 weeks 4 days: Awesome