Still trying not to be too graphic
So the baby is out and I can tell something isn't right because they don't hand him to me like the nurse told me they would. They hold him up and show him to me and then take him out.
I leaned up and asked the doctor if I was ok. I didn't get an answer so I knew that meant.....Not really. Finally he stops and explains that I tore pretty badly but not horribly and he's going to fix me up. I say 'good thing I had that epi' and he replies 'yes it is.' So he's working and all of a sudden I hear him tell the nurse 'Change that 3 to a 4.' I know exactly what that means....I have a fourth degree tear....the worst level. Just awesome. Nothing that I can do now. He works forever. Finally I say....Are you sure you can fix it! He assures me he can.
After it's all done he then tells me that next time I should have a csection because he can repair the damage once but if it were to happen again it would be more difficult. Basically I ended up with a csection of the vagina anyway. Awesome. Basically the baby was bigger than anticipated and caught his shoulder on me and there was nothing the doctor could do. He said he tried to stop it but just couldn't.
This is where I promised I won't be graphic. Let's just say recovery sucks and leave it with that. And let's just say I'm keeping up on my pain meds so I don't feel anything. :) :)
Now back to the baby :) Merrick was born at 6:49 a.m. Weighed 8 pounds 5 ounces and 21 1/2 inches long. I didn't get to hold him until after 11 a.m. It was not what I imagined it to be. After 11 months of trying to get pregnant and 40 weeks of being pregnant that wait to hold him was an eternity. When they finally wheeled him into my room I couldn't stop crying. He was beautiful. All I imagined. Worth the tearing and pain and stress.
So now I'm on the road to recovery. It's hard work but when I hold him I remember it will get better. I will heal. I will be OK again. I couldn't ask for anything more.